This year my Mister & I will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. That in itself is quite the accomplishment, especially if you've ever had the misfortune to run into me pre-caffeinated. What's even more amazing is that we are going, kid-free, on a little get-a-way.
He had me at "kid-free".
For years we have been making plans to do something big for our silver anniversary. (It is probably no mistake that this coincides with the turning of our hair color.) Places we had pondered were; Italy, Hawaii, Canada, Costa Rica, Montana, and the Mediterranean. Once we realized that there are people at these places, and that our whole objective here is to spend some quality time alone, we nixed those ideas and decided to stay closer to home. Specifically here.
Now that we're heading to a place that requires chains and boots, I have had to expand my wardrobe a little. Here's what I think you should know...
1. If you want to find snow pants in January, you should probably have started looking in August. The pants were on clearance at Christmas, the swimsuits go on clearance on Valentine's Day. Better hurry in case you plan on swimming before winter's even over.
2. The average height of women in the U.S. is 5'foot, 4-1/2 inches. This means that there are a lot more of me (at 5'3") than there are 7 ft. tall women. That said, why in the devil would the makers of ski/snow pants make them 3 feet longer than the average-sized woman?
3. No matter what the pro-shop people tell you, you cannot tuck that extra 3 feet of snow pant into your boots...not if you plan on wearing the boots on your feet.
4. And those same pro-shop employees do not have the average woman-sized bodies either. At least, not for this town. They should move to Aspen. Or Switzerland. Now.
5. Snow pants should not be low-cut, have embroidery on the backside, or a special cell-phone pocket on the hip. And they should never, ever, ever come in white.
6. Pro-shop people will tell you that white is flattering on all body types. Do not believe them. They were trained to lie.
7. White is not a color you want to be wearing in the event of an avalanche. I do not want to blend with the snow, I want to be found! That said, Safety Orange and Neon Pink are not flattering butt colors either. If I accidently scream something inappropriate while careening down the side of the mountain, I don't want fingers pointing at the only girl in hot pink pants saying, "It was her!" I want to blend. Give me black.
8. Snow pants at the pro-shop only have a 6-inch clearance from crotch to waist. This means that either the gut or the butt is going in. One or the other, not both. And not without an additional 6 inches of material.
9. The sales person at Walmart understands this. And she saved a single pair of snow pants that would fit a 5'3" Oompah-Loompah like me, just right.
10. That same sales person is now in my will.
Just so you know.☺