I hate town. Seriously. I know that town is good for some things, like, coffee and toilet paper, but if I could figure out a way to manufacture my own, I'd never leave the farm. After spending an afternoon dealing with traffic and ignorance, I needed to rant a little.
For the record, pigs are very good listeners. Especially if they are snacking on expired yogurt.
You know those moments where someone says something stupid and the only comeback you can come up with happens 3 hours after the incident? Well, I had several of those. On the same day.
Here's what I think you should know that I would've said...
...had I thought of them sooner...
1. "Why would anyone pay $4/lb for organic when the same apples over there are only $.99/lb.?"
My organic $4/lb. apples are less expensive than your venti Caramel Frappuccino and have the added bonus of not making me fat. Or diabetic.
2. "You know, the store provides plastic bags for your produce. Then you won't have to worry about all the germs in your cart."
Because you coughing into your hand, then touching 3 different heads of lettuce before finding the 1 you wanted, wasn't gross enough? I'll take my chances with the cart.
3. "Would you like paper or plastic?"
What part of those 10 reusable grocery bags that I hauled in do you not understand?
4. "Oh you should taste the red ones." (I think I must have scowled at her before she continued.) "They expect people to taste the grapes before they buy them. Why else would they not seal the bags?"
Stupid woman. That is called stealing. In every country. And every store.
5. "My son has been in detention twice already. I just don't know what his problem is!"
Try looking in your cart. I think you could eliminate the problem by putting the Capt'n Crunch, and Frosted Flakes back onto the shelf. Maybe that big jug of chocolate milk will follow once it loses its friends...
6. "I don't eat fat."
Sweetheart, those Oreos aren't carrots. Neither is the Haggen Das.
7. "...and then he told me if I wasn't willing to compromise on...."
Let me guess. You're having a hard time sharing the space in the bed. Or the couch. Because you sure as heck aren't sharing the aisle with anyone else.
8. "Making my own laundry soap is just too @!#$#% expensive! And there's never any coupons for those ingredients."
Yet you just put 2 large bottles of Tide in your cart, for a total of $34. Oh, sorry, I forgot you had a $.50 off coupon. That made it much better. Smart thinking.
9. "Sorry. I didn't know my coupons were for specific sizes."
No problem. I'll just wait while the courtesy clerk goes and grabs all 23 of the correct items for you. I've got nothing better to do. Really. I could stand here all day....
And my very favorite from my grocery trip...
10. "Cows don't eat grass, stupid." (Not said to me, but her friend.)
This is from the generation that is going to be taking care of me in my old age.
I won't even mention the car full of teenage boys who ran a stop sign, causing me to slam on my brakes and cry out, "Sweet Jesus, make it quick!"
Those boys were so friendly, they gave me a one-finger wave out all 4 of their windows.
Maybe there is still hope for mankind after all...
16 comments:
No hope!
Oh my goodness you sound like me,yep it has been one of those days.Does it never end?
Yepper, those are the kind of things that make you want to go home, lock the gate at the end of the driveway and stay there forever. (Wait. We don't have a gate at the end of the driveway. Maybe we should get one.)
Education. Where do you even BEGIN education when you realize there are actually people out there that are as ignorant as the ones you encountered?
There are truly times when it all feels hopeless.
I have put off running some errands all week and now I must go today. You are not motivating me here, LOL!!
LOL!!! I have to agree. Right now I don't want to go to the store for the week because I can't handle it. But if I do I thank God for providing for my family instead of getting upset(for the most part
Oh My Lord I laughed myself silly! I thought I was the only one : )
I can so relate...going to town makes me cranky! People can be so frustrating...and the prices lately are enough to make me want to cry!
Personally, I am training my dog to take care of me in my old age. He's smarter and has more common sense than any of those people. "Cows don't eat grass.." Really? I'm sure she/he is positive that chickens don't have feathers, either. Their born on plastic-wrapped, styrofoam trays. Thank the good Lord that you survived the hormone driven idiots who ran the stop sign. Most days I would rather chew on nails than leave the farm.
I was thinking of running into town today but I remember there is nothing I need that badly.
Thanks for sharing all this. The tasting grape thing has always bugged me....Grrr
Oh yeah...I had to go to the "city" today for wheat germ and oat bran because I can't buy those things here in our little backwater town. At least I didn't have to go to the "BIG city!"
This is why I shop online and order from co-ops that drop off in parking lots. Scary business.... going out is.
I try to get by without going to town. If I can hold off long enough my daughter will need to go & she can do my shopping.
In regard to thinking of good comebacks hours too late, my daughter told me that is probably God's way of keeping me from saying things I really shouldn't.
Hahaha.
Stay home tomorrow & enjoy your day.. :-)
Your daughter is very wise~and probably right!
Haha! I do this too! Yes. Going to tje store has gone way down on fun thimgs to go and do. The thi.g tjat gets me are the parents that let their kids eat out of the nulk food aisle containers! The parents laugh snd say oh stop you arent suppose to do that as the kid is sticking their whole hand into the candy container grrrr. Seriously.
Yeah this so sounds like me hahah! The grape thing and the bulk food aisle with the containers that people think are there for their or there kids to snack on! Seriously people!
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