Wednesday, August 17, 2011

A Mid-Summer's Education

After spending the last several days canning pickles and stacking firewood, today we decided to take a break. Too broke to take a real vacation, but too ADD to stay at home and just relax, we decided to visit one of the reservoirs located just east of us.

Yale Reservoir is in between Merwin and Swift Reservoirs, and since we were afraid of the whole "middle child" syndrome thing, we chose #2.

Here's the thing. People-watching is a cheap way to spend an afternoon. Doesn't cost a dime, but it can teach more than a 4 year university ever could, in less than a couple of hours.

Consider me educated on the ways of the world.

Mt. St. Helens peaking over the trees.
So, what did I learn on my day of rest?

1. In my day we called summer slip-on sandals made of rubber & plastic, thongs. In 2011, they are little, tiny pieces of stringy material (I think?) that are firmly planted in an area that most women try to keep material out of. And let me tell, you...thongs should never, ever, ever, ever be worn in public. Ever. If you do, please familiarize yourself with the torturous ritual called Brazilian Bikini Waxing.

I choose to swim in sweatpants

2. Just because bikini's come in every size for every woman, does NOT mean that every woman should wear one. Unless she is wearing a pair of M.C. Hammer pants, singing "Can't Touch This", 99.9% of women should not wear a bikini. Ever.

3. Wondering where the melting pot is? Try the kiddie swimming area on a Wednesday afternoon. I learned a little German, Russian, Spanish, Japanese, and Teenager. And the park does not provide an interpreter for any. Teenager was the most difficult to understand, because unlike the others, their body language is just downright hostile. My best guess is that it has to do with the thongs riding up.

4. The only thing you will NOT catch in the kiddie swimming area is a fish.

5. The water is considerably warmer in the kiddie swimming area.

Enough said.

6. Girls are definitely tougher than boys. My boys couldn't wait to get in the water, but lasted exactly 2 minutes, while the girls who had to be coerced, stayed in for almost an hour.

7. Boys need to save face. Especially when caught sucking the heat out of their Daddy.

8. My boys are the whitest, white boys ever. But at least they're not wearing thongs, bikini's, or have ever heard of a Brazilian Bikini Wax. They just wanted to show off their 3-packs. They're hoping for a full 6 in a few years.

9. No matter how many bottles of sunscreen you throw into the car, it doesn't work if left in the car. There's some scientific evidence of this, and Oprah said it once, so it must be true.

10. It is never a good idea to argue with a child who has "autistic tendencies". If he wants to call the only fish caught a kokanee, let him. You cannot win this argument. But, if he sees a half-naked girl in a too-tight piece of material that is riding up into her nether-region, go ahead and call that fish a trout.

And I suggest calling it a trout until you pull into the safety of your very own driveway.

Just in case he decides to look up.


MamaTea said...

Kim - ever single freaking time you make me laugh. Everytime!!!! This is a hilarious post and a lovely day of education had by all.

DoleValleyGirl said...

My 23 year old would be proud of me for this: ROFL!

Ah, I see you were just north of me...perhaps one of these days our paths will cross! Would be ever so fun to say hello in person. :) Blessings, ~Lisa