Thursday, June 7, 2012

27 Squares

That's how many tiles are on the ceiling of the ultrasound room.

At least, that's how many I can see from my prone position on the hard table.

When I run out of squares to count, I move to the little holes in the tiles.

I'm sure the tiles only purpose is to give the patient something to do while they wait.

918 holes.

That's all I could manage before the ultrasound technician had me turn my head so he could get a better picture.

It's okay though.

My tears were starting to blur my vision.

48 is the number of images he took of my enlarged thyroid.

Maybe his vision is blurred too.

2.76 centimeters.

The size of one of the nodules.

Nodules apparently sound better than "growths."

Someone in a fancy office must have come up with that.

I'm not impressed.

6 is the number of days I have to wait before hearing any official results.

1 question was all it took to know the news wasn't good.

"Are you by chance having any trouble swallowing?"

A single nod was my only answer because the words were having difficulty making it past the lump in my throat.

It was all that was needed.


The number of hours before a specialist decides the best course of action.

That's 47,520 minutes of waiting.

Just waiting.

And spending those 1,440 minutes each day thinking positive thoughts.

Trying not to let anyone see my cry.

I've been chopping a lot of onions.

Nobody questions an onion.

When my tears are spent, I lie on the couch.

There are no squares or holes to count.

Just minutes...

One tiny mustard seed of faith.

Because of its size, it's easy to misplace.

I lost mine for a while.

Jesus told them, "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible. ~Matthew 17:20

Move mountain, move.


Jaclyn Hicks said...


Farmgirl Cyn said...

Whoa! That is a lot to handle, for sure. I will be praying...and waiting with you.
Deep breaths....and casting ALL your cares upon Him.

In Christ alone,

Lisa {DoleValleyGirl} said...

He is a might God. Who else could move a mountain? Praying for you, my friend. :)

Marge said...

Phil. 4:13: I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Maxine said...

Oh Kim - I am so sorry to hear this. I'll add my mustard seed to yours and it'll double both of our faiths. I had a similar situation not long ago and my news was good so I'll pray that yours follows the same path. Stay strong.

Valerie said...

Kim, I'm praying for you! We serve a God that does amazing things. Praying for you!!! {{{HUGS}}}

Mountain Home Quilts said...

Praying for you this morning my friend. Praying that He would give you peace and patience during this time.
The Lord is soverign and His plans are always perfect. Sometimes it's hard to rest in that, but I pray that you will. ♥

Kim said...

Thank you ladies. From the bottom of my heart.♥

Grace said...

Kim, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I'm not a religious person, so I can't pray, but I'm sending lots and lots of positive thoughts and sincere well-wishes your way. Hang in there, this intolerable waiting will end.

Freedom Acres Farm said...

Gosh that's scary for sure! Our family will be praying for peace and courage for you in the next few days. All of us will check back for updates and put our faith in His perfect and sovereign will!!

Tina - Our Rustic Roots said...

I'm sorry you are facing this. I'll be praying for you, too.

Katie said...

I will be keeping you in my prayers. We have an Amazing God watching over us and He has a plan. Remember He never gives us more then we can handle. He has His arms wrapped around you right now.

~ katie

tami said...

We're here for you Kim!

Keep the faith and hold on tight.

(Wonderfully written post BTW. The high's, the lows, the fears, the faith...straight from the heart.)

Mrs. Z said...

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27


SweetLand Farm said...

Sorry to hear this. Praying for you and your family.

Kris said...

Kim, I'll be right behind you helping you push that big ole mountain out of the way! Darn. I sure did hate to read this post. But I am sending good happy thoughts your way. And lots of pretty happy zinnias and sun flowers too. They are such happy flowers, those 2. I'll be praying for you. And lots of hugs. Kris

Candy C. said...

{{{HUGS}}} to you dear Kim!!

Lady Hawke said...

Ms. Kim, My husband and I have been following your blog for quite a while. I have to say I cried when I read this post to my husband. He was quiet for a while as my tears flowed. I am reminded that my grandmother had a problem with her thyroid but I was small and do not remember what the problem was other that she had to have surgery to remove her thyroid and lived a long and happy life thereafter. Kim, I pray that if that has to happen that you are swiftly healed and like my grandmother have a long and fruitful life. We are praying for you. You have not lost your mustard seed. Jesus is holding it for you til you are strong enough to hold it again.

Susan said...

God has a plan. Prayers from strangers brought me back to life back in 1994. I have never doubted the strength of prayer since. You are in my prayers.

small farm girl said...

There nothing that I can say that will make you feel any better. So, I'll just tell you how I feel.

THAT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!

Susan said...

I hate being behind in my blog reading. Sending you healing thoughts and lots of love, Kim, to make it through those endless seconds of waiting.

Vinod Samuel said...