Monday, March 1, 2010

Grocery shopping and a Pick-up Line

This is what I did today.

Handed out money.

Lots and lots of money.

Not to the homeless, but to the grocery stores.

The homeless would've been more grateful.

The grocery stores? Not so much. They were expecting me.

And they were smiling.

Not from gratitude, but because another sucker had walked through the door. And she had her own bags. Three of them. With a clipboard.

They knew that I meant business. They knew that this is what I do. Every Monday. And they were ready.

My dear husband however, was not so ready.

Oh honey. Welcome to my world. You'll never be ready for this. And don't look to me for help.

In our attempt to eat fresh, organic, non-GMO foods, we've decided to shop at a couple of stores out of town. One is a whole foods type store (are you guessing yet?) and the other is a place where traders named Joe visit regularly. Love both stores for their organic-ness.

But they knew I was coming.

I've decided that one can either be "frugal" or "conscientious". I'm going for the second one. I would rather pay a few bucks more and know what I'm feeding my family, than to go cheap and suffer later. That does not mean that I'm not looking for deals, but rather, looking for food that looks as it should in nature.

Not that I'm going to find a brick of cheese laying in the pasture any time soon.

But a girl has to have dreams.

After a stop for lunch to partake of some rather good salmon and garlic fries, my Mister and I headed to Costco for a quick-grab of some Oxy-clean.

A very lonely, and might I say, a little desperate, man decided that he wanted to pick up a new bride. He decided that I would be the chosen one. Then he proceeded to tell me how much he liked a "healthy woman" such as myself. I couldn't understand most of what he was saying because he forgot to put his teeth in before going into the store. Where was my Mister during this?

The man aisle. Looking at tools.

When he noticed that his beloved was about to be slung over the shoulder of a very strange leprechaun, he sprang into action. He did what every loving husband would do in this case.

He shook the leprechaun's hand.

Before I could grab onto my husband for his manly protection, I first had to drop the Dr. Suess book that I had grabbed for protection while I was on my own.

Was I going to hit Mr. Leprechaun with it, or was I going to amuse him with some lyrical sing-song nonsense? I am sure that I don't know.

We practically ran for the check-stands, my Mister and me, but ended up bumping into creepy man along the way. A quick dodge through the nut section and we found safety at a newly opened register. Of course, we forgot to use our rebate, so we were detained at the customer service desk, next to the only door that said "Exit". While my hero took care of the financial business, I hid behind a very nice sedan and had to pretend to be interested in its tires.

Which I was not. Interested, I mean. In anything. Ever again.

Especially not at that particular Costco.

Next time, I'm driving to Oregon.

The lesson here...stick to your grocery list and do not waver!

Not even for Oxy-clean.


Mountain Home Quilts said...

And I agree, I'd much rather pay more and feed my family better! :)

Michaela Dunn Leeper said...

What an amusing post! I could just picture it through your writing!